Trusting God in your confusion.

I have had those confusing moments in my career. I have doubted myself a lot of times. Sometimes I think that I understand what is happening. Sometimes I think that I have my life together then BOOM something happens and am left confused.


During these confusing times, I pray for trust not clarity and for the Lord to show me what I am supposed to do. Abraham trusted God and packed his bag and left to a land that God had promised. Roman 8:28 God makes everything work together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose.


Gods plans are perfect, and they are meant to give us hope and a future. Even in those confusing time, we must trust that His promises are true and His plans are perfect. He will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Should I make the first move?

Traditionally the man was the one who was supposed to make the first move. However, things have changed in the interpersonal relationship. Most women these days initiate a relationship. Those who still believe that men should make the first move will tell you that you should go with the flow. Women expect men to initiate a conversation. The line between gender is quite blurred. Some people may oppose or support this, but men are better at handling rejection.


Before a man approaches a woman and begins to have a conversation, he has overcome some obstacles. He gathers his courage and gets rid of the doubt. All shy men would love to shift the burden of having to make the first move. When a woman makes the first move, this means that she is courageous and brave. Due to technology, there are several ways that one can use to approach the other person. They include asking them a question, complimenting them, sending a message, and greeting the person.


It is important to note that it does not matter who approached the first move. If the man makes the first move, it does not mean that the relationship is better.

I knew you would replace me but i never thought it would be this fast

Hello, I hope you are doing alright. The latest song by Selena Gomez is my current favourite song. People always promise the world and the people that you thought will stay with you forever end up leaving you. I have been in a state where accepting the reality of things was so hard. Saying goodbye hurts but seeing you with someone else was more painful. It felt like a bullet going through my chest. I cried every night with the hope that you will be mine again. Getting out of bed was a struggle. I had lost myself.


I have found myself saying this statement, ” I knew you would replace me, but I never thought it would be this fast”. We all date for a reason, and somehow we hope that it would last forever. We made future plan such as the day we will get married. We also agree on how many children we shall have. We could not even imagine our lives apart and then all over sudden you want a future with someone else.


I have also reached a point in my life where I thought what I had with him was something special. I thought that was true love. He threw me away like a piece of trash. Love made me look like a fool. You kept telling me that I hold a special place in your heart, but your actions showed otherwise. Did you even really love me?

5 Gestures that Make people feel incredibly loved

In a world that has been dominated by electronic communication, and technology it is easy to understand that we have lost human interaction and left behind the gestures that make people feel incredibly loved. Little things such as a kiss on the forehead, and two strangers exchanging smiles. Some of these things can seem casual.

If you don’t know what type of gestures to give your friends to make them feel incredibly loved. These may help you.

  • Handwritten letters

One thing that makes me feel incredibly loved is when someone takes time to write a letter or make a card for me, especially when I am having a bad day. It shows that you care about making someone happy.

  • Buying for them their favourite food or snack

Buying for me my favourite food or snack will make me feel loved and special. When your friends tell you that they feel a little down do not forget to bring them food that you know will cheer him or her up.

  • Remembering the details.

Research shows that in a day, a person listens to more than 20,000 words and they can only remember 17 to 25 percent. If a person remembers something specific about you then they really care

  • Say “I love you.”

Expressing your feelings towards someone is also a way to let them know that you love them.

  • Cooking for someone

Cooking a person’s favourite meal makes them feel happy and loved. Even when a friend invites me for dinner I feel loved.

  • Calling to check up on someone

Most people today communicate through social media. Picking a phone and calling your friend makes them feel special since this is a sign that you are thinking about them. The conversation does not have to be long but it definitely means a lot to them.

It is true what people say small things go a long way. What small gestures make you feel loved?

4 Topics You Need to Discuss with Your Lawyer When Getting a Divorce

Divorce is a decision that is made after months of trying to make things work. Divorce is very complicated. It can take a bit of your emotional energy and effort to complete. For some people, the fear of the process is what holds them back from filling a divorce. With the right education and preparation, the process can be easy to confront. Every divorce is unique and it comes with its own questions and concerns. 

Here are four topics you need to cover with your Lawyer:

·        Division of property 

Marital property refers to the property that the couple acquired during marriage. It includes cars, jewelry, houses and furniture. The person who will own the property depends on whether you live in a common-law property state or community property state. 

In the community property state, property that has been acquired during marriage is divided between both spouses regardless of the name that appears on the title deed. Examples of these states include California, Texas, Washington, and Arizona. In the common law property state, the property is given to the spouse who purchased it under his or her name. If both names appear on the title deed, this means that each couple owns a half interest. 

Before you meet with the attorney it is essential to provide a list of all the marital properties, when it was acquired, and whose name appears on the title deed. 

·        Spousal support 

It is not uncommon for one partner to earn more than the other. The imbalance of income is considered when getting a divorce. Spousal support helps to better balance the couple’s income. This type of support is ordered especially when one partner has different income level. It enables both spouses to maintain the standard of living that they enjoyed during marriage. 

In the past different factors were considered to determine whether to award spousal support. They include the level of education of your partner, the duration of your marriage and the partner’s health. The law has changed and the only consideration is the income of the spouse. 

·        Child custody 

Child custody is one of the most challenging issues when getting a divorce. Depending on the state either physical or legal custody can be awarded depending on the interest. Legal custody is the ability to make critical decisions about the child’s health, education and welfare. Legal custody can be joint meaning both parents can be involved in making such decisions or it can be sole whereby only one parent can make the decision. Physical custody refers to where the child will reside. It can be joint or sole. Joint custody is where both parents spend equal time with the child while sole custody is where one parent lives with the child. 

Before the court can decide on child custody they consider the mental and physical health of the parents, the home environment, and the relationship between the child and the parent. Moreover, the court also examines the level of cooperation and communication between the parents. The number of children, the age of the children and where the children want to live is also considered. Custody arrangements can change as the child grows.

·        Child Support 

When parents get a divorce they are required to provide financial support for their children. Child support is an obligation for both parents. How much each partner is supposed to contribute is either determined by the court or established between the spouse in a written agreement.

 Depending on the state there are specific guidelines to calculate child support. Parents incur fixed, controlled and variable cost in the care of their children. Fixed cost include housing related expenses. Variable cost is incurred when the child is with the parent. For example, food and transportation cost. Controlled cost when the child is in custody of the primary caregiver. Such cost includes clothing, entertainment and miscellaneous expenses. 

 Conclusion 

When you and the lawyer meet it is important to bring all the documentation including the title deed, post nuptial and pre-nuptial agreement, will, trust, financial statements and bank statements, mortgage statement, tax returns and credit card statement. Ensure that you are open to your attorney. 

Challenge of Single Parenting

In the past decade single parenting has become more common as compare to nuclear families. Single parent families can be headed by fathers, mother and grandparents. Life as a single parent can be quite stressful for both the children and the adult. Single parents are likely to feel overwhelmed since they have to juggle going to work, paying bills, doing the house chores and taking care of the children.

Some of the issues that single parents face includes:

  • Custody problems.

If you are a single parent it is important to understand your custody rights. Most of the people associate custody rights with couples who are married. Custody is also a vital topic facing unmarried parents. The law automatically gives custody rights to the mother. Mothers can lose custody rights when the child is mature enough to decide where he or she wants to stay. Child custody is a very sensitive topic that can lead to conflict between family member and parents.

Some of the challenges that single parents go through include:

  • Less opportunity for parents and children to spend time with one another.

Most of the single parents are bread winners therefore they have to go to work. Due to their busy schedule they have no other option but to take their children to day care.

  • Effect of the break up on children school performance.

Single parenting can happen due to a number of reason death of your partner or divorce. Divorce affects children mentally which may result into lower grades. They are also likely to be held a grade back. It becomes hard to know what the child thinks about change in family.

  • Problems of parents dating other people

As a single parent one of the greatest problem is being in a new relationship. Some of the fears that single parents have is whether the child and your partner will get along.

Conclusion

What do you think are other challenges single parents go through?

Signs That You Are in an Emotional Abusive Relationship

Introduction

It is easy to recognize physical abuse since the bruises or injuries are not visible. Emotional abuse cannot be easily detected by friends and family members. It is common for someone who is being abused to believe that it is their fault and somehow he or she deserves it. Many will dismiss emotional abuse thinking that it is not as bad as physical abuse. This form of abuse affects a person’s self-esteem, dignity and independence. 

At first, the relationship will seem perfect and romantic. Your partner will even go out of their way to show their affection and devotion for you. The romantic gift and gestures can be a way of distracting you from what is coming. The relationship moves fast from being strangers to talking and calling every day. They may even visit you when you do not expect. 

  • Possessive 

At the beginning of the relationship, they will be protective and a little jealous of the idea of you with someone else. Later the protectiveness and jealousy may turn into possession. They may begin to be paranoid and start demanding that you are accessible always. Every time that they call you, they expect you to answer immediately. They always question your whereabouts, who are you with and what are you doing. They rationalize their behavior by claiming that they are concerned about your safety. 

  • Irrational Jealous 

Your partner’s jealousy gets worse and they begin to suspect that you are disloyal. With the efforts to prove your devotion to them, you spend more time with them and less time with your family members and friends. You also cut-off friends who could be considered as romantically interested. They blame this on their past relationship and difficult upbringing while in reality they hide their jealousy. 

  • Shifting the blame 

This occurs when you have a disagreement with your partner and they make you feel that it is your fault. They use you or the people around them to vent their anger. Eventually you will begin to think that every problem in your relationship is your fault. You start thinking that if you tried not to upset him or her things would go back to what they were when the relationship started. 

  • Put-downs

Your partner may put you down privately or publicly by attacking your capabilities, intelligence and mental health. They constantly compare you with others. You try to confront him or her, they question your account of the incidence or they tell you that you are overreacting. 

  • Threats 

In order to keep you in the relationship, they make threats to blackmail you. They may even warn you about injuring those you love. They use every manipulative technique that they have in order to prevent you from leaving. You may decide to stay with them because you believe that you can save them or get them to change their ways. You keep reminding yourself of the wonderful beginnings so you do not give up but you cling to the idea that things will get better. 

Conclusion 

If you recognize these behaviors in your partner you should know that they are not normal. These behaviors are associated with emotional abuse. Just because he or she is not physically harming you does not mean that the abuse is not affecting your mental health. It is not unusual to feel afraid of leaving the person who is abusing you. You may feel unsafe and scared of what your partner may do to you or themselves. You can also feel that you are not capable of making it on your own. It is essential to remember that they are people or friends who can help you along the way.